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A lot of people say that cheating is an absolute deal breaker. However, a surprising number of people choose to stay in their marriages after the infidelity has been discovered. These couples put in a lot of work in order to save their marriages after infidelity has damaged the relationship. In some cases, couples are able to restore their marriage while, in others, the relationship has been too badly damaged by the infidelity in order to be repaired. If infidelity has damaged your marriage, there is hope for reconciliation. 


The Short Answer Is Yes 

Yes, it is possible to save a marriage even after infidelity has occurred. In fact those who do stay and work on the marriage generally come back from the infidelity with a stronger and more satisfying marriage. However, it doesn’t always work that way, and it’s important to understand that forgiving your spouse for the infidelity does not necessarily mean staying in the marriage and putting up with continuous betrayals. While marriages really can be saved after one party has cheated, it’s generally a lot of work for both parties. Abruptly cutting off the paramour and addressing the mental and interpersonal reasons that contributed to the cheating can be very difficult for the wayward spouse. The spouse who was betrayed will need to learn how to trust their spouse again after a serious betrayal, and sometimes restoring trust isn’t always possible. In these cases the marriage may not be able to be saved. 

Getting Specialized Help 

If infidelity has damaged your marriage, you will likely need specialized help from a qualified mental health professional. Both parties may need individual counselling along with marital counselling. Doing the work necessary to save the marriage after infidelity isn’t easy, and it may take years to fix the marriage, re-learn trust, and get to a place where you and your spouse feel safe and satisfied with the marriage. Since the journey to a happy marriage after infidelity can be arduous, both parties will need to be committed to doing whatever it takes to save the marriage—and it’s not uncommon for one or both parties to decide that they aren’t able to make such a commitment. 

Ending an Affair Isn’t Easy 

Ending an affair isn’t easy for the person who’s cheating. Many people who are having an affair describe the affair as an addiction. It’s common for people engaging in infidelity to idealize their paramours and become addicted to the excitement and the fantasy of the affair. A lot of people feel like their paramour is the perfect person because they don’t have to go through the struggles of everyday life with that person. Ending a relationship with a person who gives the illusion of being perfect isn’t easy, and many people struggle to end the affair even after they’ve decided to work on their marriage. 

When Your Partner Is a Serial Cheater 

In some cases, affairs can be the product of serial cheating. There are some people who struggle to be happy in a monogamous relationship due to trauma, mental health concerns, or cognitive distortions. In such cases, your partner may need extensive help from a qualified professional to address the reasons why they continue to engage in infidelity. If you’ve discovered that your significant other has a lengthy history of cheating, it may be difficult to re-build the trust necessary to save the marriage, especially if your partner struggles to stay faithful along the way. If you’re in this situation, it’s important to prioritize your mental health as well, since the emotional toll of infidelity can be very difficult to cope with. 

When to Divorce 

Only you can know whether or not it’s time to get a divorce. There are some people who are willing to fight for the marriage after infidelity has been discovered, and there are others who know that they will never be able to trust their spouse again. When you’re deciding whether or not to stay in the marriage, it’s important to consider your mental health and your well-being. You may also need to consider your spouse and whether or not they’re making the changes they need in order to save the marriage. When it comes to restoring a marriage after infidelity, both parties will need to work together to save the marriage. 

When You’ve Chosen Divorce 

It may take some time, but it will eventually become clear whether or not you and your spouse will be able to make the marriage work, or if you’ll have to consider filing for divorce. If you’ve already decided that divorce is the right option for you, CoilLaw can help you understand your situation from a legal perspective. Our experienced attorneys can guide you through the divorce process and help you advocate for your best interests. If you’re getting a divorce, contact CoilLaw today to set up your initial consultation. 


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