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Are they cheating or am I paranoid? If you’re dealing with a relationship where there’s a lot of gaslighting and suspicious behavior, you may be asking yourself that question. 

Can You Sense If Someone Is Cheating on You? 

If you know your partner well, you will probably notice when something about them or their behavior changes. And in many cases, cheating does cause a person’s behavior to change.  However, there are many things that could cause a person’s behavior to change that don’t have to do with cheating.  So, even though you might sense that something is different with your partner, it may not meant that they’re cheating. This doesn’t mean that you should completely ignore your senses when they’re telling you that something is “off,” but you probably should refrain from choosing to believe that your partner is cheating simply because you have a feeling that they’re cheating. When it comes to cheating, it’s best to avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly. 

Should You Trust Your Gut Feeling about Cheating? 

If a gut feeling is all you’ve got, then it might not be the best idea to act on it and jump to a conclusion that involves cheating—after all, we can’t let our emotions get in the driver’s seat and make decisions about our relationships. While a gut feeling may be a sign to keep your eyes open for signs of cheating, there is such a thing as looking too hard for something. If you’re constantly looking for signs that your partner is cheating, you’re bound to find something that bothers you—even if it’s not an obvious, concrete sign of infidelity. Trusting a gut feeling when it comes to cheating doesn’t need to mean launching a full investigation into your significant other and violating their boundaries in order to get reassurance. Instead, trusting your gut can mean being approaching the situation by applying logic to your feelings: “My gut says that something isn’t right, but what do the cold, hard facts say?” 

How Do I Know If I’m Being Cheated On? 

Sometimes, behaviors that look like cheating behaviors end up having relatively innocent explanations—but this doesn’t change the fact that the behaviors are still concerning and might warrant your attention. For example, if your partner begins to work odd and unpredictable hours, and begins to act secretively, you may feel like these odd behaviors need to be looked at more closely, and rightfully so. Instead of going through your spouse’s items, or violating their boundaries in other ways, it may be a good idea to discuss your feelings with them. Your spouse may be able to provide you with proof that they really are working late. However, there are some cases where there are no good explanations. For example, if you found suggestive texts or photos on your significant other’s phone, there aren’t likely any good explanations for that. Also, not all explanations are satisfactory. If you begin questioning why your spouse is sneaking out at 2:00 am or suddenly going on business trips for a job that requires no travel, and their answer isn’t satisfactory, that may be a sign that it’s not all in your head—especially if you’ve asked for proof and they refuse to give it to you, or don’t have any to give. 

How Do You Know If You’re Being Paranoid? 

If you don’t have any concrete evidence of cheating, that may be a sign that there are issues in the relationship that have caused you to mistrust your spouse, or there is trauma from your past that still needs to be worked through. “Concrete evidence” should be defined as irrefutable proof; think text messages, photos, videos, emails, or being caught red-handed with a significant other. If you don’t have concrete evidence that they’re cheating, you cannot know for sure that they’re cheating (but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t cheating). Instead, if you feel like your partner is cheating, but you don’t have any concrete evidence, it may be time to talk to them about your suspicions. If you find that your spouse has constantly proven their honesty to you, and there’s no concrete evidence to say that they’ve been unfaithful, it may be time to look into doing some work on potential past trauma. 

Can a Marriage Survive Cheating? 

Yes, many marriages do survive infidelity, and they often come back stronger than before. However, not all marriages survive infidelity, and not every cheating spouse should get a second chance. Some people simply are not remorseful when it comes to cheating—these are the type of people who will likely do it again. In order to heal a marriage from infidelity, both parties need to be determined to do the hard work necessary to repair the marriage and rebuild trust. Often times, that means taking accountability, working with a licensed professional, and working on re-building trust. If the wayward spouse is unwilling to do these things, it may be difficult to save the marriage. However, just because marriages can survive infidelity doesn’t mean that yours has to if you’re ready to leave. If you’ve been betrayed and you know that you can’t move past it, CoilLaw is here for you; contact us to get started with an initial consultation. 



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