Why do people cheat? Let’s get one thing straight: nobody can make a person cheat. Though it is possible for a person to do things to make their partner tempted to cheat, there is nothing you can do that will make your partner cheat. Regardless of the excuses people make, leaving is always an option. However, there are a lot of reasons people cheat, and many times it has to do with unmet needs—whether those needs have been expressed or not. There’s not any way you can 100% affair-proof your marriage since your partner has to make the choice to cheat. But you can reduce the chances of them cheating.
A Defensive Attitude
If you get defensive every time your partner brings up dissatisfaction with you or the relationship, there’s a good chance that your partner will stop going to you when they aren’t satisfied with something. For example, if your spouse tells you that you work too much and your immediate response is that you wouldn’t have to work so much if they’d just get a better paying job, your spouse may be less likely to bring issues to you in the future. When you get defensive, you show your spouse that you aren’t interested in solving the problem, nor are you interested in working with them to find a solution. While this might not be an issue when it comes to small things like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, defensiveness can be an issue if you’re unwilling to address your spouse’s larger concerns. Eventually, your spouse can become dissatisfied with the marriage, but they may not bother bringing it up due to a consistent pattern of defensiveness. This dissatisfaction can lead to an emotional affair and even a physical affair.
A Need for Something New
Even though you’re married, you should never stop dating your spouse. Not only is it important to keep the spark alive, it’s also a great way to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated. Showing your spouse that you love them, appreciate them, and don’t take them for granted, can help prevent them from seeking out that validation in other places. However, there can be a darker side to needing something new. There are indeed some people who simply can’t be satisfied with one relationship, no matter who they’re with or how wonderful that person is. Sadly, some people simply crave the rush of infidelity and feel compelled to seek it out. With people like this, it may not be possible to prevent them from cheating.
Lack of Emotional Connection
When people don’t feel emotionally connected to their partners, it can be difficult for them to feel close to their partners. Because of how affairs typically begin, not having an emotional connection to your partner can put your marriage at risk. Most people don’t go out looking for an affair. Instead, they generally end up in an emotional affair on accident. From there, if they decide to continue the emotional affair, they’ll likely choose to begin a physical affair. Establishing an emotional connection generally means having open and honest conversations about how you’re feeling, hopes, fears, and insecurities. If you feel like you cannot have these types of conversations with your spouse, it may be time to consider attending marital counselling and/or individual counselling.
If your partner has unrealistic expectations, they may be more likely to cheat just because they’re chasing something that doesn’t exist in the first place. Generally, people who have unrealistic expectations don’t normally realize that their expectations aren’t realistic. Social media has unfortunately caused many people to have high expectations that do not align with reality. It shouldn’t be surprising that scrolling through everyone else’s highlight reel makes one feel a little bit bummed out about having an “average life.” In a marriage, it’s important for both parties to regularly communicate their expectations, their willingness to negotiate, and their ability to meet their spouse’s expectations. Again, if you feel as though you cannot have these types of conversations with your spouse, it may be time to seek help from a counselor or marriage therapist.
You can’t meet your spouse’s needs if they never told you about them in the first place. As trite as it may sound, some people really do expect their significant others to be able to intuit their needs and wants. Although this may be possible at times, it’s simply not reasonable for you to be able to anticipate needs that weren’t communicated to you. If you feel like this may be an issue between you and your spouse, you may be able to ask them about what expectations they have, and what you can do to meet them. However, if they aren’t honest with their answers, or refuse to have this conversation with you, it may be a good idea to attend marital counselling so that you and your spouse can work together on any roadblocks that are preventing open and honest communication regarding marriage.
The Choice Is Yours
While your spouse’s behavior can certainly make infidelity tempting, the choice to cheat is yours and yours alone. Engaging in an affair can not only end your marriage, it can also take a toll on the children if they ever find out. In most cases, it’s best to end the marriage instead of beginning an affair, as affairs tend to complicate the divorce process by adding unnecessary conflict. If you’ve decided to end your marriage and you’re ready to get the divorce process started contact CoilLaw today for an initial consultation.