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If you’ve been through traumatic experiences due to a relationship with a person suffering from Narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits, you may be wanting revenge. Unfortunately, seeking revenge is probably not the best use of your time. Here’s why. 


Not Everyone Is a Narcissist 

Narcissistic personality disorder affects the way a person views the world. Those who have narcissistic personality disorder often have a distorted view of their relationships to others and their environment. In those with narcissistic personality disorder, this distorted view of relationships may manifest itself in entitlement, grandiose fantasies, arrogance, vanity, and an overall need for admiration. However, not everyone with these traits is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. In fact, some of these people may be suffering from other cluster B personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and others. Regardless of what personality disorder your partner may be suffering from, getting revenge on someone who’s got a personality disorder may be difficult. Here’s why. 

The Toxic Relationship Dynamics 

Most people suffering from personality disorders have a very warped idea of relationships, viewing them as entirely utilitarian. When these people get into relationships—romantic or otherwise—they’re usually asking themselves, “okay, what’s in it for me?” This isn’t to say that cognitively normal people get into relationships that are completely without benefit, or even detrimental. However, most people aren’t overly preoccupied with finding a relationship that’s useful. Those who are healthy and have good interpersonal skills are more interested in genuine companionship and connection, rather than just having a person meet their needs. When one party in the relationship has a personality disorder, the relationship often dissolves into a transaction. Transactional relationships don’t often survive long-term because those in the relationship are too busy “keeping score” to develop any type of emotional intimacy. In short, those with a transactional view of relationships don’t care about their partner as a person, they care about getting their partner’s ability to meet their needs. 

Making You Feel Insecure 

Those who don’t have high emotional intelligence or good interpersonal relationship skills will often try to make the other party feel insecure in the relationship. Usually, the person with the personality disorder wants to make sure the other party is always on their toes. Those with cluster B personality disorders generally need a lot of validation, and they have no problem leaning on their partners to get that validation. Those with personality disorders generally like to maintain control over the relationship by creating the appearance that the relationship might end at any time. A person with a personality disorder may constantly remind the person they’re married to that they’re replaceable at any minute. This way, the person who doesn’t have the personality disorder learns one thing: meet my need—or else! 

Why Don’t They Care? 

If you’ve dated or married a narcissist, you may be surprised that they’re completely unfazed by the break-up or divorce. Sometimes, it these people don’t miss you, and it seems like they couldn’t miss you even if they tried. When you leave a person with a disorder like NPD, they aren’t usually ones to think about how much they miss you. If anything, they’re missing what you did for them. Maybe you cleaned up after them, cooked for them, or paid their bills.  

There’s a Whole Lot of Leaving 

Those who have personality disorders probably have a long history of losing friends, romantic partners, and even family members. These are people who are used to being left, usually due to the complicated nature of the relationship dynamics. However, being left that many times tends to take a toll on a person. They may become cold, distant, and unable to form normal relationships. Unfortunately, for the person with a personality disorder, this turns into a rather vicious cycle that can only be broken with the help of a licensed professional. If you have been in a relationship with a person who has a cluster B personality disorder, there’s a good chance that they’re not currently capable of becoming emotionally attached to a person and then missing the person after they’ve ended the relationship. 

How to Get Revenge on a Narcissist 

Knowing what we’ve learned in this blog, it’s not really possible to get revenge on a narcissist. For the most part, narcissists simply don’t care enough about their partner in order to be affected by anything their partner does in the future. They won’t be upset by their partner living well because they usually don’t care about them as a person. The best thing one can do after a break-up with a narcissist work with a mental health professional to find effective ways to heal from this trauma.

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