Should You Go to Bars and Clubs If You’re Married?
Going out with friends for a night on the town is a fun experience that everyone should be able to have. Unfortunately, not everyone can understand why on Earth their spouse could possibly want to do something like that, especially now that the wedding’s passed. However, for many people, there’s more to life than spending every Friday night watching Criminal Minds reruns with your spouse–and this is true even for people who don’t go to bars and clubs.
If You Want to, Yes
If you want to go to bars and clubs, you should be able to go to bars and clubs even if you’re married. If your significant other is telling you that you cannot go to certain places because you’re married, that may be a red flag. Though all marriages have certain boundaries, there should never be a boundary that says you cannot go to a bar or club just because you’re married, especially if you’ve never cheated, or shown any tendency to be unfaithful. The act of going to a bar or a club isn’t inherently cheating, and you should have the right to go out with your friends, assuming you exercise the right within reason and set appropriate boundaries.
Going without Your Spouse
Although you should be free to visit bars and clubs as you like, it should be noted that such establishments are notoriously filled with temptation. If you’re going to such places, it may be a good idea to bring your significant other along, especially if you’re going to be drinking. However it may be a red flag if your significant other is insisting upon chaperoning all girls’ night out events, or all guys’ night out events. While your spouse should have the freedom to go to bars and clubs, it may be a red flag if they’re doing it behind your back, or insisting upon going without you every time they go out. While it may not be cool to crash your wife’s girls’ night out or your husband’s guys’ night out, there should be some occasions where you’re invited. Obviously, each situation should be evaluated uniquely: there’s a fine line between allowing your spouse to go out with their friends and allowing them to not come home not for days without any communication.
What Was the Relationship Like?
If you absolutely cannot stomach the idea of your spouse going to bars and clubs, then you shouldn’t marry someone who goes to bars and clubs while in a relationship, or even prior to the relationship. Oftentimes people make the mistake of getting married, then expecting their spouse to change because they’re married. For example, a person may expect that their spouse will stop playing video games after the wedding, especially once a child is born. However, marriage doesn’t ever guarantee that a person will change, and the best predictor of how a person will act in a marriage is often the way they act in a relationship. So if your significant other is constantly going to bars and clubs, do not expect this to change as soon as you get married.
Signs It’s a Problem
As previously mentioned, bars and clubs can be a massive source of temptation. Though not every person will cheat in the aforementioned situation, your spouse’s bar hopping may be a cause for concern in some situations. If your spouse is insisting that you cannot come with them, or refusing to tell you where they’re going, who they’re going with, and when they’ll be back, that may also be a red flag. It may also be a cause for concern if your significant other is currently recovering from an addiction such as alcoholism, and is in the presence of alcohol. Any time you are keeping a secret from your spouse, it’s a good idea to reevaluate the situation and think about why you’re keeping secrets.
Constructing Healthy Boundaries
Within marriages, both parties should have the freedom and independence to go out with friends without fear of causing suspicion. Healthy marriages are founded in security where both parties trust the other person not to cheat, even when the opportunity arises. If you feel as though you cannot handle the idea of your significant other going out to a bar or a club with their friends, it may be time to seek a counselor to work on potential insecurities before they harm your marriage. Alternatively, if your spouse’s inappropriate conduct has caused you to feel uncomfortable with them going out, it may be a good idea to seek marital counseling to establish healthy boundaries within the marriage.
Get Started Now
If you’re considering filing for divorce, it’s a good idea to attend an initial consultation in order to explore all your options. At CoilLaw, our amazing legal team can help you understand the nuances of the divorce process so you can act in your best interests. If you’re ready to get the process started, contact CoilLaw today.