If you’ve been divorced, you likely know what it’s like to have broken trust. It’s common for people to develop trust issues after they’ve experienced emotional trauma from a marriage that had a lot of conflict. Unfortunately, trust issues can prevent you from creating the healthy and fulfilling relationship you deserve. If an inability to trust is getting in the way of a healthy relationship or marriage, know that it is possible to heal and move forward.
Always Looking for Problems
People who have trust issues generally remain for signs that the relationship or marriage isn’t working out. This could look different from person to person. While one person may be constantly looking for signs that their partner is cheating, another person may be always on the lookout for signs that their partner is losing interest. Alternatively, a person with trust issues could be looking for both. The issue is that if you’re always looking for problems, you’ll likely find at least something that you find unsettling. The harder you look, the more uncertain you’ll become. This phenomenon is clearly seen in people with obsessive compulsive disorder: people suffering from OCD tend to revisit memories over and over again, usually to reassure themselves that they performed a specific task. Paradoxically, the more they comb through their memories, the less certain they tend to be. The same may be true for those with trust issues; if you’re always looking for signs that the relationship is failing, you may wind up less certain about the relationship than ever.
A Fool’s Errand
A lot of people who have trust issues believe that it is a strength, wisdom, and a virtue of some sort, and that those who do not have trust issues are naïve. However, those who have trust issues seem to consistently be in bad relationships or perpetually single. This is because trust is the foundation of emotionally intimate relationships. If you are not able to trust another person, you will not be able to have an emotionally intimate relationship with them. Many people with trust issues believe that they’re simply protecting themselves from others who are untrustworthy. The problem is that if you don’t trust anyone, you’re going to push everyone who wants to get close to you away. The only people who will stay will be people who are okay with not getting close to you. These tend to be people who are not looking for long-term relationships, or marriages.
A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
People who have trust issues can also end up pushing away partners who had a lot of potential. A person who wants an emotionally intimate relationship may not be willing to tolerate dating a person who’s emotionally distant and incapable of being vulnerable. Therefore, the person without trust issues may leave in order to find a partner who’s capable of having a satisfying relationship with vulnerability and emotional intimacy. Usually, people who have trust issues tell themselves that this is an example of why people shouldn’t be trusted. The problem is that the person with trust issues failed to see how their inability to trust actually pushed away a suitable partner.
Trust and Blind Trust Aren’t the Same Thing
There’s a difference between trusting someone and blindly trusting someone. The amount of trust you give to your significant other should be proportionate to the amount of trust they’ve earned. It’s okay—preferable, in fact—to start small when it comes to trust in the beginning stages of a relationship. If a person has betrayed your trust, or acted in ways that has made it impossible to trust them, it’s okay to end the relationship. However, if your inability to trust people gets in the way of fulfilling relationships, it may be time to seek help from a licensed mental health professional.
Getting the Help You Deserve
You deserve to have a relationship where you and your partner trust each other enough to be completely transparent with each other on every issue. However, getting to such a place takes a lot of emotional strength and resiliency. If you are struggling to connect with your partner due to trust issues, meeting with a licensed therapist or other qualified mental health professional can help you learn how to have a satisfying and trusting relationship. While most marriages can be saved with hard work and therapy, not every marriage can be saved. If a lack of trust has damaged your marriage beyond the point of repair, CoilLaw is here for you. Get started with an initial consultation today.
