Signs You Haven’t Moved on Yet
If you haven’t moved on yet, that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with needing time to get over the pain of divorce, even if you need a lot of time. In fact, it’s not good to deny yourself the right to feel the pain and sadness that come with divorce. While it’s important to remind yourself that things will eventually fall into place, it’s not healthy to tell yourself that you aren’t hurting when you are.
You Talk about Them Often
If you find yourself talking about your ex frequently, it may be a sign that you’re not yet over your ex. And this does include repeatedly telling everyone how thankful you are that you are no longer married to that jerk. If you find yourself often telling people about how your ex is a horrible person, or all the terrible things that your ex did, it may be a sign that you aren’t over your ex. But not everyone speaks poorly of their ex when they aren’t over them. Some people may talk about their exes constantly because they miss their ex a lot: a good example of this may be, “Oh, golf. My ex-husband loved golf.”
You Fantasize about Getting Even
Do you catch yourself fantasizing about the day your ex realizes their mistake and comes running back to you, tearfully begging you for a second chance, only so that you can reject them? It’s normal to want to hurt someone, especially if they’ve hurt you. But if you’re still daydreaming about being able to tell your ex to go fly a kite, that may be a sign that you haven’t moved on quite yet. Again, while it’s normal to fantasize about your ex begging for a second chance, it’s not normal to be daydreaming about it years after the divorce. If you are by chance engaging in this behavior, it’s totally okay. It just means that you need to do some more healing before you begin another relationship.
You Believe You Were Blindsided
A lot of people feel blindsided by divorce in the beginning, especially when their spouses were the ones who initiated the divorce. However, people are generally able to look back and agree that, in hindsight, they could have seen it coming. People don’t usually just wake up one day and stop loving their spouse. Most people will try whatever they can to save the marriage—that doesn’t mean that what they try is effective—but most people don’t recognize a problem and immediately leave without trying to rectify it first. If you believe that your spouse one day woke up and no longer loved you, completely out of nowhere, that may be a sign that you have not yet objectively evaluated the situation.
You Believe They Were Cheating
There are many people out there that believe their spouse was cheating despite having no concrete evidence of infidelity. The reasoning usually goes something like this: “S/he must have been cheating! That’s the only thing that could explain why s/he’d suddenly want a divorce.” For some people, it’s easier to believe that their spouse ruined the marriage due to infidelity than it is to accept that both parties played a part in the dissolution of the marriage. “S/he wants a divorce because s/he’s a cheater” is a lot easier for some people to say than to accept that their personal failures contributed to their spouse wanting a divorce. Yes, sometimes the spouse really is cheating. But if you have no concrete evidence, holding onto the belief that your spouse was cheating may be holding you back.
You Feel Cheated by the Divorce Process
Like it or not, most people feel as though they were cheated in the divorce process, no matter what their living situation was like beforehand. Even when both parties earn an income, there’s almost always a decrease in the standard of living. If you feel as though you were cheated by the divorce process because your spouse got assets, spousal support, or more custody, then you’re in good company—but it may also be a sign that you haven’t moved on yet. If you feel like you were cheated in your divorce, and thinking about the unfairness makes you angry, that could be a sign that you have more healing to do. Life isn’t fair, and divorce definitely isn’t always fair. Acknowledging that your divorce was unfair in some ways is normal and realistic. But if you’re still angry about the perceived injustice of the divorce, that may be a sign that you haven’t moved on.
It’s Okay If You’re Not Past It
Everyone heals at different paces, and nobody expects you to be “back to normal” in a day—in fact, it probably isn’t a good sign if you are. Even if you’ve been divorced for 20 years, it’s okay if you aren’t over it yet. Maybe you just never got around to working with a licensed mental health professional, or maybe you were hoping that the pain would go away on its own. Regardless of why you didn’t begin healing, you can begin healing form the pain of divorce today.
When You’re Considering Divorce
If you’re considering divorce, CoilLaw is here for you. Our legal team is dedicated to helping our clients get through the divorce with minimal trauma so that they can begin to move foward as soon as possible. If you’re considering divorce, contact CoilLaw today to set up an initial consultation.
