How to Stay Attractive to Your Spouse

Shouldn’t They Love Me for Who I Am?

Attraction isn’t just a physical thing, it’s also a mental and emotional thing. While your spouse probably does love you for who you are, putting effort into being attractive can keep the spark alive. While many people do find that they’ve gotten comfortable in their marriage, getting too comfortable in a marriage can also be a problem. Both men and women can fall into a pattern of feeling as though they no longer have to put effort into the marriage and, this, regardless of your physical appearance, can have a huge impact on your levels of attractiveness. The truth is that a person’s attractiveness is multi-faceted—it’s not just physical—and maintaining your attractiveness can help keep the spark in your marriage alive.

Have Hobbies

Having hobbies isn’t just good for you mentally, it can also help keep you attractive for your spouse—and they don’t even need to be hobbies that your spouse is particularly interested in. Hobbies can be a great source of fulfillment, achievement, and self-actualization. Furthermore, hobbies can be a great source of conversation between you and your spouse. Sometimes it can be difficult to find things to talk about, especially when you live together and are raising children together. Having your own hobby will not only give you and your spouse things to talk about, it can also give you a sense of fulfillment within your life.

Take Care of Yourself and Your Environment

It’s important to take care of yourself physically if you’re interested in maintaining attraction. While engaging in active hobbies and eating reasonably healthy are great ways to take care of yourself, taking care of yourself doesn’t just mean managing your weight. Putting effort into wearing clean clothes, and not wearing your pajamas out in public, is likely a good start. Picking up after yourself is also a way to maintain attraction. Remember, if you’re a member of a household, it’s also your responsibility to help keep that household clean—especially if both you and your spouse work. There are few things more unattractive than a person you’re always cleaning up after.

Go on Dates

Don’t stop dating your spouse! Taking your spouse out on dates where it’s just the two of you is a great way to maintain attraction. A lot of people complain that their spouse has turned into a friend or a roommate—and this can happen because there’s not enough dating. Both parties should plan and initiate dates. If your spouse is the only person initiating dates, they may end up feeling as though they’ve been taken for granted. Dates don’t necessarily have to be extravagant either; staying up late together after the children go to bed and watching a movie together may be a great way to go on a date without having to splurge on a babysitter.

Go to Therapy if You Need It

If you are struggling with symptoms of mental health problems, going to therapy may be beneficial for your marriage. Mental health problems can make it difficult to find the motivation to get out of bed, get ready, and do all the things that you normally do. It can also make it difficult to be a spouse since all of your energy may be going into simply functioning, giving someone else the attention and consideration that a spouse needs. Going to therapy and potentially consulting a doctor about medication may be a great way to manage mental health conditions that get in the way of your relationship with your spouse. While America is still struggling with a mental health crisis and stigma, it is important for those who need therapy to go. If you suspect your spouse may need mental health care, supporting their decision to seek professional help is a great way to ensure that they get the mental health care they need.

Be Emotionally Available

Being dismissive and defensive doesn’t build attraction—in fact it destroys it. Furthermore, explaining to your spouse why their feelings are wrong can also destroy their attraction to you. People will likely feel more attracted to those that they feel safe with and can be vulnerable around. If your behavior is consistently showing your spouse that they cannot be vulnerable around you, share their feelings with you, that could have a large impact on their attraction to you.