The Cost Benefit Analysis of Divorce

The Big Benefit

If you hate the idea of coming home to your spouse, you definitely aren’t alone: many people are struggling within their marriage, especially during vulnerable times. If you deal with constant fighting, snide comments, snapping, expressions of contempt, and general hostility, divorce can provide you with a pretty big benefit. As soon as you leave, you no longer have to deal with your spouse’s bad behavior—or, at least, you won’t have to deal with it to the same extent. For many people, divorce solves a problem, and it solves it fast—well, as “fast” as possible. A lot of people see divorce as a magic wand that will instantly remove your spouse’s bad behavior from your life. Pretty sweet, right? Unfortunately, divorce isn’t always without its downsides. Studies vary on just how many people regret their divorce. On the low end, around 30% of people regret their decision to divorce, and some studies report that roughly 80% of people regret their decision to divorce.

The Loneliness

Divorce is an extremely isolating experience. A lot of people aren’t emotionally prepared to come home to an empty apartment—especially for an indefinite amount of time. While you may not miss your spouse’s bad behavior, you may come to miss some of the good things about them. If you have children, you will likely miss your children when they aren’t around. Let’s be real: the days of you going out with any of your friends on a weeknight are over—and they probably have been since you and your friends started having children. So, what do you do when you get home to your empty apartment? While it might be nice to sit in front of the television and watch your favorite show, you can only do that so many nights in a row before it becomes something you dread.

“Now My Kids Can See a Healthy Relationship!”

A lot of people like to say that they left their marriage so that their kids could watch them have a healthy relationship instead of a toxic one. While this may be true for some families, it isn’t always the case for every family. If you never fight in front of the children, and they aren’t typically exposed to conflict, sticking together and working on the marriage could actually set a good example (assuming there isn’t abuse within the marriage). While it’s good for children to witness healthy relationships, it’s also good for them to see parents actually work through their problems and come out of issues stronger. Marriage is a commitment and it’s important for children to see their parents upholding that commitment. Divorce can be particularly impactful for daughters, as daughters of divorced parents are an extra 60% more likely to get a divorce. While it isn’t good to keep your children in a toxic or abusive family dynamic just so that you can demonstrate commitment, there may be some marriages that are worth saving, assuming the children aren’t witnesses to extensive conflict or abuse.

Childcare and Time with the Children

Of course you’re going to spend less time with your children. However, you may also have to consider childcare for those children. If you had a stay-at-home parent who cared for the children while you worked, you essentially had free daycare. After divorce, your spouse will likely have to get a job to support themselves, and you and your spouse will have to figure out childcare arrangements. While child support and alimony may help with these payments, there is a finite amount of money between the couple. The court can’t order you to pay money that you don’t have. If you and your ex need to work, but you cannot afford traditional childcare, making arrangements may be difficult. Furthermore, this may be a difficult adjustment for the children if they aren’t used to daycare centers.

Managing a House for One

There’s a lot that goes into managing a house and if you’ve got kids, it can easily be a full-time job. Between cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and chaperoning your kids everywhere, there’s bound to be a lot of stress. If these are things that you’ve never done before, managing a house can be a very difficult journey. This only gets worse once you’re divorced. This can be especially difficult if you historically haven’t had to do these things and are now unsure how. Alternatively, maybe you have had to do some of these chores, but not everything all at once. Managing an entire house is difficult work, especially when you’re outnumbered by kiddos.