Can I Date My Divorce Lawyer?

The short answer is yes—but your attorney might face consequences. There aren’t any laws preventing a romantic relationship between a lawyer and a client, but there are ethical guidelines that should be considered. While the exact guidelines vary from state to state, it is generally considered to be unethical for an attorney to date their clients. While unethical isn’t the same as illegal, it does pose a significant risk to the attorney. S/he could lose his/her license and be fired from the firm for dating one of their current clients. So, while you can do this in the sense that nobody’s going to cart you off to jail when the relationship is discovered, you definitely shouldn’t do this—and your attorney knows that they’re not supposed to be dating clients anyway.

What About Once the Divorce Is Over?

It will depend on where you’re located and what your licenses and certifications your attorney holds. Your attorney could still lose their license for dating you even if you’re no longer an active client. Even if you’re no longer a client, and your attorney is technically free to date you, they may still lose their job if their firm’s policy prohibits such relationships. There are often ethical considerations even after the divorce is finalized. For example, your attorney will know everything about your divorce and your financial situation. They may even know a lot about you too. For example, if you and your ex had a custody evaluation, your attorney may have access to it. Lines may also be blurry when it comes to your previous relationship as attorney-client and your new relationship as romantic partners. Even after the divorce has been finalized, you should not consider dating your divorce attorney—even if it would indeed make your ex very unhappy.

Good Reasons Not to Date Your Lawyer

First and foremost, the attorney could be disbarred and lose their job. While the attorney may be able to get their license back, they could face reputational damage for having dated a client and getting fired for doing so. If you need more help with your divorce after it’s been finalized—and this isn’t uncommon when kids are in the picture—you’ll have to find a different attorney who might not know your case as well. There is also a significant power imbalance between an attorney and a former-client. While that of course should change if you were to switch to a romantic relationship, it might not always transfer over so smoothly. It is typically in everyone’s best interests for attorneys and clients not to date each other, even after the divorce is finalized.

Is It a Red Flag If My Attorney Wants to Date Me?

Probably. Your attorney’s conduct should not come from a place of attraction or bias based upon such attraction. Your attorney should never make remarks that should make you feel uncomfortable about the attorney-client relationship. If your attorney is making you feel uncomfortable from a personal perspective, you should consider your options and look into finding a new attorney or address the appropriate representative at the firm. Attorneys may not know that they aren’t supposed to be dating clients during the divorce process for ethical reasons, therefore any attorney who’s looking to date you while they’re representing you should be considered as lacking in ethics. While it may be seen as more permissible for an attorney to ask you out once your divorce is finalized, you should evaluate the situation objectively before making a decision.

When Can I Start Dating after Divorce?

If your divorce is not finalized, it is generally advisable to wait to openly date anyone until your divorce is finalized. Divorce can be a very traumatic experience, and it may take time to properly heal from the pain of divorce and the breakdown of the marriage. In some cases, dating during divorce may have some impact on your divorce—this will depend on the facts of your situation as well as the laws of the state you’re in. An attorney who’s licensed in your state may be able to provide guidance on how dating during divorce can affect your divorce process, if at all. While you won’t be immediately carted off to jail if you’re date someone during divorce, it could still impact your case—so make sure to check with an attorney before you begin dating while your divorce is still pending.