Are Children Involved?
If you and your spouse do not have children together, there is no reason to maintain contact with each other. There are no laws prohibiting it, and if you want to re-connect with your spouse, you’re certainly welcome to. However, if you don’t have any children, and you’re still besties with your ex, you can expect a few people to raise their eyebrows at that arrangement—especially your next partner/ your ex’s next partner. Once you and/or your ex move on, you can’t expect new partners to be super enthusiastic about your cozy relationship with your ex if there’s nothing (like children, for example) that’s tying you and your ex together.
The Whole Point of Divorce
The whole point of divorce is to separate physically, financially, and socially. This means that you don’t own a business together, live together, or make family arrangements where you, your ex, and the kids, all hang out together. The point of getting divorced to separate as much as you possibly can. If you do not want to separate from your spouse to the furthest extent reasonable, it may be a good idea to work on the marriage before deciding to end the marriage once and for all. If your spouse has decided on divorce, but you are struggling to move on, that may indicate that you would find sessions with a licensed mental health professional to be beneficial.
Confusing the Kids
If you do have children, you and your ex should make an effort to be cordial at all times. Children can sense tension and conflict, and it can make them feel stressed and conflicted. If you’re co-parenting with your ex, you’ll probably have to give up your right to insist upon your way for the sake of the children. While it’s important to get along with your ex for the children’s sake, being too friendly with them can be confusing with the children—especially if the children are young. Going back and forth between being together and being separated can be confusing for the children. If you and your ex are considering divorce but are unsure of whether or not it’s right for you, meeting with a qualified mental health professional may be able to help you and your spouse explore your options without traumatizing the children with a constant back and forth arrangement.
When There’s a New Spouse
If you have a new spouse, you may have to work together with your spouse to determine what boundaries are appropriate for you and your ex. If you do not have children with your ex, and there’s no legal obligation that necessitates your contact with the ex, you should not be surprised if your spouse demands that you cut your ex off. If you do have to have contact with your ex due to legal obligations—such as shared custody—make sure that you’re always conducting yourself in a respectful manner that won’t cause additional conflict. New spouses can be a source of jealousy and pain. Your ex-spouse may attempt to cause emotional pain due to the fact that they’re going through emotional pain. Make sure that you don’t let this affect the children or your new marriage.
Sexual Harassment
Just because you used to be married to someone doesn’t mean that you have a free pass to send them suggestive messages, photos, or videos. Sending such content may have consequences. While there will likely be social consequences, you may also face legal consequences as well. Depending on your situation there could be criminal consequences, especially if your spouse has made it known that they do not want to receive such communication, and you continue to send them unwanted messages.
It’s Up to You
What works for one couple may not work for every couple. If you and your ex have gotten divorced, but you still have contact with each other, you will need to have a discussion on what the boundaries are. Boundaries are necessary to keep conflict low, which can help the children to feel more safe and secure. If you have already remarried, or you are in a serious relationship, you may also want to consider how your partner feels about the boundaries you have with your ex. In some situations, a lack of boundaries may result in conflict in your new relationship or marriage.
When You’re Considering Divorce
If you’re considering divorce, CoilLaw is here for you. Divorce can be a difficult time, especially if you have to go through it alone. Thankfully, you don’t have to go through divorce by yourself. Our experienced attorneys are dedicated to helping you get the best outcome possible. Contact us to get started on your initial consultation.
