Set Rules
The COVID-19 Pandemic has given us an opportunity to fine-tune our co-parenting skills. With your child going back and forth between households, it’s important to set up consistent rules to be followed by both households in order to keep everyone safe.
If you’ve been staying home, aggressively washing your hands, and disinfecting everything that comes through your door, but you don’t believe your ex is being as vigilant, there are still things you can do to put your mind at ease.
If you are able to have a civil and effective conversation with your ex, do so. Your children will remember these days, as will most of us. It will benefit them immensely if they know that even during divorce, both Mom and Dad were willing to work together to protect them.
Be An Example
If your kids are old enough, teach them how to stay safe by following the guidelines and explaining how it all helps.
- Let them see you as you wash your hands properly and have them help as you disinfect the house.
- Model behavior such as wearing masks and restricting visitors.
- If you have doubts about the other household, preparing the kids to handle some of these practices themselves will help.
At the time of writing, parent-time is still in effect and should be exercised as before. In some cases, however, reasonable accommodations will have to be made. If travel restrictions or illness prevents your children from spending time with their other parent, reassure them they will be able to make up the time later. Provide generous opportunities for phone calls and virtual visits in the meantime.
When it comes to the pandemic, be transparent. If someone in your household is ill, make it known to the other parent as soon as possible. If you or your child start showing symptoms of the virus, let the other parent know so precautions can be taken and plans adjusted.
Work Together
At this time, many people are experiencing financial hardship as jobs are reduced or lost. Try to work together when it comes to supporting. If you’re receiving support, see if you can make do with less for a time, until the other parent is able to resume full payments. If you’re paying support, even if you can’t send the full payment, send whatever you can.
If you can work together now, for the sake of your children, you’ll save yourself heartache and attorney’s fees later. Courts expect you to be willing to make reasonable accommodations under these highly unusual circumstances. Show them, and your children, that even though Mom and Dad don’t agree on everything, one thing they do agree on is the health and safety of the kids.
Co-Parenting Through Any Disruption
The COVID-19 pandemic tested co-parents in unusual ways, but the lessons it taught apply to any disruption, whether an illness, a job loss, a move, or another emergency. The core principle stays the same: children do best when their parents cooperate and keep their world as stable as possible, even when the world around them is not.
Communicate and Stay Flexible
Disruptions often force changes to schedules and routines. Handle them by keeping communication clear, calm, and in writing, and by focusing on solutions rather than blame. A little flexibility from both parents goes a long way. If you need to adjust the parenting schedule temporarily, document what you agree to so there is no confusion later.
Keep the Children Reassured
Children pick up on stress quickly. Reassure them in age-appropriate terms, keep routines like bedtimes and schoolwork as steady as you can, and shield them from adult conflict and worry. Consistency across both homes gives them a sense of safety when other things feel uncertain.
When You Cannot Agree
Sometimes co-parents simply cannot reach agreement, or one parent uses a crisis to withhold time unfairly. If that happens, you have options. The existing custody order remains in effect unless a court changes it, and you can ask the court to enforce or modify it. A child custody attorney can help you protect your parenting time. Contact our team for support.
Make a Plan Before the Next Disruption
The families who weather emergencies best are usually the ones who thought ahead. While things are calm, talk with your co-parent about how you will handle the predictable curveballs: a sick child, a school closure, a work emergency, or a parent who needs to travel. Agreeing in advance on how you will communicate and make decisions takes the pressure off when something actually goes wrong. Children feel the difference when their parents have a plan instead of scrambling.
It also helps to keep your parenting plan current. If your circumstances have changed since your order was written, or if the old schedule no longer fits your family’s life, it may be time to update it formally. A clear, current order prevents most disputes before they start, because both parents know exactly what is expected. Building a little flexibility into the plan, with a default rule for resolving disagreements, gives everyone a roadmap for the next disruption, whatever it turns out to be.
Most of all, keep the children at the center. Decisions made calmly and cooperatively, with their wellbeing first, are the ones you will be glad you made when you look back.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my co-parent withhold the kids during an emergency?
Your custody order stays in effect unless a court changes it. If a parent withholds time unfairly, you can ask the court to enforce the order.
How do we handle schedule changes during a crisis?
Communicate clearly, stay flexible, and put any temporary agreement in writing so both parents are on the same page.
Get help from a Utah Family Law Attorney. If you have questions or need legal help to protect your children, CoilLaw can help. Managing partner Jill Coil is dedicated to helping families Even during this unprecedented time, Jill Coil’s experience can assist you. To schedule a consultation via video conference or by phone, contact our office. We are happy to help. Contact us at 801-804-3056.
