What Happens When an Absent Parent Returns?
Do You Have to Give them Parent-Time?
If your ex shows up after five years of being absent, and your five-year-old has had no meaningful relationship with them, do you have to allow them to have parent time? The answer may surprise you, but it will depend on what the custody order says. If your ex has full custody according to the custody order, but you’ve been informally acting as the primary custodian since your ex has been MIA, they still have a legal right to their parent-time and refusing to allow this could potentially be seen as custodial interference. However, if your ex has been MIA for a substantial period of time, you may be able to modify the custody order based upon their absence. If you are successful in doing this, your ex would not be able to just show up whenever they want and demand access to the child. Instead, they’d have to follow the court order based upon the modifications. There also may be other emergency procedures that could be employed upon arrival of an absentee parent to prevent any significant disruption to the child’s current arrangements.
Can They Get Custody?
Yes, but getting custody could have a lot of obstacles. If the absent parent was the father, he may need to establish paternity in order to get the process going for custody. If paternity has already been established, getting custody will be a more straightforward process for the father. Obviously, biological mothers do not need to establish maternity. Custody will be decided in the child’s best interest and, unsurprisingly, it’s generally not in the child’s best interest to suddenly go live with a parent they’ve never met. However, most courts feel that it is in the child’s best interests to have a relationship with that parent. While the formerly absent parent can eventually get parent-time, they won’t likely start out having significant amounts of parent-time, such as overnights, unless they’ve already received it in a court order. They’ll likely start out with parent-time sufficient for the parent and child to develop a relationship and work their way up to a more robust parent-time schedule.
What if the Child Doesn’t Want to See Them?
This may be a case for reunification therapy or family therapy. If your child does not want to see their other parent, you still have to encourage them to do so. If you are physically capable of picking your child and handing them over to the other parent, you may have to do that too. There may be issues when the child is older, however. When your child is a teenager, you will likely be less capable of physically compelling or forcing them to participate in parent-time with the other parent. While you and your ex can get the police involved, there may be other consequences, such as damage to the relationship.
Do You Have to Allow Them to Be Involved?
Yes, you have to allow your ex to be involved with the kids, and you do need to follow the court order. Again, it’s typically in the child’s best interests for them to have a relationship with both parents. If you and your ex need to go to court-ordered therapy as a family in order to facilitate this, it’s something you may have to do. It is very difficult to completely remove a parent from a child’s life and ensure that they have no access to the child if they want to be involved. While there are some situations where one parent has absolutely no access to the child and no legal rights to the child; it’s usually because the parent who isn’t involved doesn’t want to be involved.
The Child’s Best Interests
It’s almost always in the best interests to have a relationship with both parents and both parents are responsible for facilitating that relationship. However, sometimes it’s in the child’s best interests for a parent to be involved, but only minimally. For example, if your ex is addicted to substances, they may need to get sober before they’re equipped to be a parent to their child. If there is a reason that your ex shouldn’t have custody, you will need to discuss your concerns with a family law attorney who can give you tailored advice.
