So you’ve got the urge to go through your spouse’s phone—should you? I mean, you’re married after all; isn’t it unhealthy for married people to keep secrets? Well, while you may feel entitled to go through your spouse’s phone whenever you want, that may not be such a great idea—even if your spouse has given you permission to go through their phone.
That Might Be Illegal…
Although the laws vary from state to state, it should be stated that there could be criminal and/or civil consequences for going through your spouse’s digital devices, items, and electronic accounts. It does not matter if you know the password, technically own the device, or if your spouse has left themselves logged in. Additionally, it does not matter if you’re on the phone plan, pay the phone bill, or if you purchased your spouse’s phone with income that you earned–regardless of any of the aforementioned, you still cannot go through their phone or any other electronic device without their permission. Though you might not be guaranteed to actually end up in jail or get sued for merely going through your spouse’s phone, that doesn’t mean that it’s okay to do or that there won’t be any legal consequences at all.
When You’ve Got the Urge
If you’ve got the urge to go through your spouse’s things, there are two very likely reasons for that. The first is that there’s some interpersonal trauma that you need to work through. The second possibility is that your spouse’s behavior has caused you to have concerns about their fidelity and the relationship altogether. No matter what you’re feeling, it’s important to understand that there is no right or wrong way to feel. Even if you know that your spouse has done nothing to warrant your suspicion, that doesn’t mean that you’re wrong for feeling concerned. In order to resolve negative and/or painful feelings, you will need to be honest with yourself about what you feel. Remember, it’s not how you feel that counts; it’s what you do about those feelings that really counts. In other words, it’s not wrong to feel suspicious, but it is wrong to go through your spouse’s personal items, devices, and accounts.
This Isn’t Normal
People who are emotionally stable, secure, and psychologically resilient aren’t always on the lookout for ways in which their partner could or would hurt them. This means that they’re not constantly looking for signs that the other person is falling out of love or cheating. In fact, most emotionally complete people don’t worry about this much, if at all. This doesn’t mean that they blindly trust people and commit to those who haven’t earned it. Instead, they’re mentally and emotionally strong enough to withstand any damage misplaced trust can create. Usually this is because, though they’re able to trust people, they don’t trust people with large things until they’ve earned it. People who are in a good place emotionally are usually confident in their ability to bounce back from their misplaced trust. On the other hand, those who are still working through trauma may constantly be on the lookout for signs their partner is losing interest or unfaithful. If you’ve got the urge to go through your spouse’s phone because you just can’t bring yourself to trust them, it may be time to work through that trauma with a licensed mental health professional.
Your Spouse’s Behavior
If there is something that your spouse is doing that’s causing you to have concerns about their fidelity, there may be deeper issues within the marriage. Talking with your spouse may be a good starting point, however, it may not fix everything. In many cases, it may take marital counselling with a licensed professional in order to fix trust issues that inappropriate behavior may have caused. If your spouse has been crossing boundaries and this has caused you to have concerns, it’s important to understand that this isn’t necessarily the end of your marriage. Many couples have trust issues and are able to overcome them. Unfortunately, this is not the case for everyone, and sometimes divorce is necessary.
Can a Marriage Be Saved?
Whether or not your marriage can be saved will depend on you and your spouse. If you and your spouse are willing to put in the difficult work necessary to save a marriage, you may be able to avoid divorce. Unfortunately, there are some marriages that are not able to be saved. If you are considering divorce and you’re ready to meet with an attorney, contact CoilLaw today to set up your initial consultation.
