Why Do I Attract Narcissistic Men?

If you’ve dated multiple people who are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, or have narcissistic traits, you may be wondering if you’re doing something to attract these people.

Narcissists Have a Type

A person who has narcissistic traits, or even narcissistic personality disorder, is a real, live human being with emotions and needs. Most people who have narcissistic traits or NPD, have had trauma or negative experiences that caused them to develop these traits as a defense mechanism. Subconsciously, the person with these traits—or personality disorder—feels a need to preserve their behavior or act in order to protect themselves. This means that they latch on to people with certain traits that will allow the person with narcissistic traits to continue in the way that they’ve been going. A person with narcissistic traits or NPD may also have needs specific to their personality disorder or narcissistic traits, and they will generally seek out people who will meet their needs.

Why Are Narcissistic Men Drawn to Me?

Narcissistic men tend to succeed in more superficial flattery. For example, a man with narcissistic traits may shower you with gifts or attention in the beginning of a relationship. Those with NPD are superficially charming so they know how to give the perfect amount of attention: it’s enough to be flattering, but not so much that they look needy or desperate. Those with narcissistic traits are generally come off as impressive to people who have had a history of being mistreated in relationships. To a person who’s had a history of being mistreated, gifts, flattery, and attention may feel like a dream come true. They may think, “Wow! Nobody’s every treated me so well!” This is why people fall for narcissists. In the beginning, the relationship is great because people with narcissistic traits are generally good at buying gifts, planning fun dates, and giving attention. And those things can keep a relationship afloat in the beginning.

Who Is the Perfect Partner for a Narcissist?

One of the reasons that a narcissistic person is so successful with people who have a history of bad relationships has to do with the way they manipulate their significant others. A narcissistic man needs his partner to think he’s the best thing to have ever happened to her, and that she’ll never find another guy like him. When a person has had a history of bad relationships, they’re more likely to think that the partner with narcissistic traits is the best partner they can get. This may prevent the person without narcissistic traits from standing up for themselves and their needs. The perfect partner for a narcissist isn’t going to have a lot of expectations. They’re going to be easy going and they’re not going to ask much from the narcissist. When the narcissist puts them in a bad spot, or does something unfair, the person with without narcissistic traits will just let it happen.

What Do Narcissists Hate the Most?

Those with narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic traits hate hearing any form of the word, “no.” No, that’s not going to work for me. No, that’s not acceptable. No, I can’t continue in this relationship. Narcissistic people are acting in a way that suits their best interests, so when you tell them any form of “no,” you’re likely going against something they need. When something doesn’t work for you, tell them that it’s not working for you—how they react will tell you a lot about whether or not they’ve got narcissistic traits. “If you won’t do this then I’ll replace you!” is a sure sign that you’re dating a narcissist. Because narcissists are generally only capable of having shallow relationships that are devoid of things like empathy, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy—you know all the things that actually make a relationship work. Therefore it’s rather easy to find another person to be a “placeholder” that showers the narcissist with ego boosts at every corner.

How Do You Beat a Narcissist at Their Own Game?

Go no contact. If you really want to beat a narcissist at their own game, go no contact and drop them like a hot potato. When it comes to narcissistic traits, or even narcissistic personality disorder, you won’t be able to fix these issues. In fact, in order to get treatment for narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder, the person has to actively want to change and get better. They can’t be going just to please their significant other. When it comes to beating a narcissist, the only way that you can really win is to kick them to the curb and find someone who can meet your needs.