What It Feels Like
Everyone likes some excitement in life, whether it’s watching a spy-movie with a lot of action and crazy stunts, or it’s going to a restaurant that you’ve never been to and trying a dish you’ve never heard of. But when most people look for excitement to spice up everyday life, they aren’t looking to try illegal substances or cheat on their spouses with whom they’re perfectly happy—but some people do go this route. A lot of people think that partners stray because they’re unsatisfied with some part of the relationship. While that can certainly be the case in some relationships, sometimes people cheat because they’re bored with their spouse and their everyday life. This doesn’t mean that the spouse is actually boring; but some people think that need more than what everyday life has to offer.
How Could You Be Unhappy If There’s Nothing Wrong?
If nothing’s wrong, how could you be unhappy in the marriage? Especially, if you’re unhappy enough to cheat on your spouse. There are a lot of people who are chasing excitement via an extramarital affair, even though they’re satisfied with their marriage. They enjoy regular physical intimacy with their spouse, the faithful spouse meets all of the unfaithful spouse’s emotional needs, there aren’t a bunch of recurring fights, the spark is still very much alive—so, what gives? Well, no matter how well you treat your spouse or how much effort you put into the marriage, you’re still going to be the same person. For a lot of people, that’s a really good thing. However, for some people, they feel like they something different in order to keep things exciting. The problem becomes obvious though: when you’re ending relationships the minute they’re no longer new and exciting, you don’t tend to have very long-lasting or emotionally significant relationships.
Why It Happens
Emotionally mature people are able to create their own excitement in life. Whether it’s picking up crochet for the first time or getting into mountain biking. But when a person still has room to grow in terms of emotional maturity, they can find it difficult to create excitement for themselves—likely because they don’t really know themselves and/or they don’t accept themselves. As you can likely imagine, it’s difficult to create your own excitement in life when you don’t even know what you’re excited about. For a lot of people who struggle with excitement seeking, self-esteem tends to be at critically low levels. They don’t feel great about themselves, and they don’t know themselves enough to create their own validation and excitement, so they look toward other people to do it for them. When self-esteem is at a critically low level, and a person depends on others to make them feel good about themselves, it may be that the sincere love and affection of one loyal spouse isn’t enough to fill the void. So, they seek out others in hopes of filling the void.
Monotony Is Reliable
Monotony is reliable. An extramarital affair? Not so much. The only thing that’s reliable is the unreliability of the affair, which may be exciting in its own way. Affairs are exciting and addictive because the people that the wayward spouse is meeting up with are new, and they’re only together for short periods of time. If you’re cheating on your spouse, you probably don’t live with your paramour. You don’t see them without make-up, fight with them about who’s doing the dishes or who’s taking the dog outside. The paramour is a constantly exciting person because the affair has no room to grow into a real relationship due to the fact that it has to be kept secret. This means that there are never any arguments or challenges that the couple has to face—so the relationship stays shallow.
Getting to the Core Issue
The issue at the core of extreme excitement-seeking tends to be emotional immaturity combined with low self-esteem. While it may seem like having an affair will fix that problem, the affair often acts as a Band-Aid. The affair may treat symptoms of the problem, but it doesn’t actually fix the problem—which is ultimately a lack of satisfaction in life. The best thing a person who’s seeking excitement can do is attend sessions with a licensed mental health professional who can guide them through the process of finding themselves and creating their own excitement and purpose in life.
When You’re Considering Divorce
If you and your spouse have decided to divorce, CoilLaw is here for you. Our attorneys are experienced in fighting for our clients and advocating for their rights. If you’re looking for an attorney who’s willing to fight for you, contact CoilLaw today to set up your initial consultation.
