Five Myths about Adoption

They Pay You to Adopt

While foster parents are generally paid a stipend to cover the day-to-day expenses of the foster children they’re caring for, foster parents aren’t paid money to adopt their foster kids. Although adopting via the foster care system generally comes with minimal expenses when compared to private adoption, there is no agency—governmental or otherwise—that’s going to hand adoptive parents a significant sum of money in order to adopt a child from the foster care system. As private adoptions go, private adoptions almost exclusively involve newborn babies and infants. It is very common to spend over $50,000 on private adoption. Not only do the adoptive parents have to pay fees to the adoption agency, but they may also cover the costs of the biological mother’s prenatal care. In some cases, the adoptive parents may need to hire a family law attorney in order to ensure that paperwork is correctly filed.

There Are Plenty of Children Who Need a Loving Home

When it comes to babies and infants, the demand is certainly greater than the number of babies and infants who are born and given up for adoption. In fact, in some places it’s not uncommon for couples to spend five to seven years waiting to adopt a baby. There are “waiting children,” as in children whose parents no longer have rights to them and are waiting to be adopted. There are around 100,000 children in the United States who are eligible for adoption. While that number may make it sound like adoption should be easy, it’s very important that agencies carefully match the children with a family that’s going to be able to accommodate the child’s needs. Different children will need different environments in order to succeed, so it will be important to match children with adoptive parents who are able to provide a good environment for the child. Some children may need additional assistance for mental health, special needs, or physical disabilities. It is very common for waiting children to need extensive mental health care due to their experiences in foster care and their experiences prior to foster care. Agencies have to remain diligent about placing those children in homes that will be able to provide those resources to the child in need.

Adoption Is the Goal of Fostering

While there are tons of children in foster care, the goal of foster care is not to allow prospective parents to adopt children. Rather, the goal of foster care is to house children whose parents are currently incapacitated and unable to provide the necessary parental care. When children are placed in foster care, it is the state’s goal is typically to reunite the children with the biological parents. This often means that biological parents are given every opportunity to rectify the situation and reunite with their children. Terminating parental rights and allowing foster parents to adopt is generally a last resort. In most cases, the children in foster care will be reunited with their families. Only around 27% of foster children are adopted. To be clear, though there are a lot of children in foster care, most of those children are not eligible for adoption as their biological parents still have rights and are still their legal parents.

There Are a Lot of Babies Who Need Homes

Babies and infants are the most difficult to adopt. There is not a surplus of newborn babies looking for a loving home; in fact, the opposite is actually true. Many people spend years on a waitlist to adopt an infant, and private adoption fees typically cost tens of thousands of dollars. Depending on your location and your circumstances, it’s not uncommon for private domestic adoptions to cost upwards of $50,000 once you finally make it to the top of the waitlist.

You Shouldn’t Have Kids if You Wouldn’t Adopt a Child with Additional Needs

Not everyone is equipped to provide the resources and services that adopted children need in order to thrive, but that isn’t a moral failing in the prospective parents. Children who have spent years in foster care and suffered through various forms of abuse and neglect at the hands of their biological parents often do need extensive mental health care, and these children deserve to have adoptive parents who can provide those resources and offer the child a safe and stable environment. Being unable to care for a child who needs extensive mental health care is not a moral failing. Adoptive parents need to be honest with themselves regarding what they can provide for the child they’d like to adopt, and it’s okay if there are children whom the prospective parents would be unable to care for properly.