Can your spouse stop you from seeing the kids? You may have heard your spouse say something like, “You’ll never see these kids again!” However, that may not be 100% true. It turns out that it’s actually very difficult for a parent to completely remove the other parent from the child’s life.

In Theory vs in Practice

Although the laws do vary from state to state, many laws support both parents in having a relationship with their parents. The days where the mother was automatically given sole physical and legal custody just because they’re the mother are no longer the norm. These days, laws are aimed at equality and supporting the best interests of the child and, in most cases, it’s in the child’s best interest to have a relationship with both parents. This means that if your significant other is willing and capable of being involved with the child’s life, they’re likely going to get some form of access to the child, typically custody, unless they’re deemed unfit to parent, in which case they may get supervised visitation. However, there are some things that parents do to make sure that their significant other doesn’t see the children again or sees the child very little.

An Offer You Can’t Refuse

When you’re getting a divorce, you can agree to whatever terms you want to agree to. The courts only get involved when two parties cannot agree, usually, this is a last resort since it’s both expensive and courts can be rather unpredictable. If a parent is really set on maximizing custody of the children, they can propose a set of arrangements that the other party may find too good to pass up. For example, if you can’t afford to purchase a car, and your ex is willing to let you have the car in exchange for full physical custody, you may feel like you need to give up custody in order to have reliable transportation. While this arrangement cannot involve one parent never seeing the child again, it can involve the minimum amount of parent time. Sometimes a person might agree to this, reasoning that they can always get more parent time later when they have more time and money to fight for it. This isn’t necessarily true, as courts are generally pretty hesitant to adjust custody arrangements.

The Financial Cost of Court

Some parents who have more money can decide to leverage the cost of court against the other parent. For example, one parent may have the financial means to drag out the divorce process, forcing the other party to agree to terms that are less than ideal simply because they cannot afford to take the matter to court any longer. This can work in the wealthier party’s favor if they continuously use underhanded methods to alienate the children or interfere with a parent’s time with the child. Not everyone can afford to take their ex to court over these matters, especially if they’re constantly happening, and courts don’t always take action immediately. Sometimes, parents have to bring matters to court over and over again, and many people can’t afford to do that, so they just stop fighting all together.

Alienation

Unfortunately, many parents are successful when it comes to alienating the children from their other parent. Alienating your child can certainly result in a loss of custody, and it’s generally very bad for the child, and their relationship with both parents. However, that does not mean that alienation doesn’t happen, nor does it mean that alienation is not initially effective. In some tragic cases, alienation can be effective long-term, even preventing the child from wanting a relationship with the alienated parent. In some cases, alienation can damage the parent-child relationship so severely that pushing the child to have contact with the parent just does even more damage. In these cases, extensive therapy is needed to heal the wounds caused by alienation.

Custodial Interference

Custodial interference can be a problem, especially if you just let it happen, or take a laissez-faire approach to it. For example, if your ex informs you that you can’t see the children, and you shrug your shoulders and say, “okay,” and then go on your way, it may be difficult for you to get custody later on, especially if you made a habit of not using your parent-time. If you are inconsistent enough, your ex may be able to get more custody. If they ask for more, you will not be able to say that, “well, they wouldn’t let me see the children so I stopped trying.” If you have concerns about custody, and you need legal advice, contact CoilLaw today to get started on your initial consultation.

Can One Parent Legally Keep the Kids From the Other?

In most cases, no. If there is no court order in place, both parents generally have equal rights to their children, and neither can lawfully cut the other off without cause. Once a custody or parent-time order exists, both parents must follow it, and a parent who withholds the children in violation of that order can face real consequences.

The Exception: Genuine Safety Concerns

There is an important exception. If a child is in immediate danger, a parent may be justified in protecting them, but the right move is to involve the court or authorities quickly rather than simply disappearing with the child. Courts take safety seriously and can issue emergency or protective orders. Acting outside the law, even with good intentions, can backfire.

What to Do If You Are Being Kept From Your Kids

If your co-parent is denying you court-ordered time, stay calm and avoid retaliating. Keep a detailed, factual record of each denied visit, and do not stop paying support, since the two are separate obligations. Then take it to the court. A child custody attorney can help you enforce your order, and a judge can order make-up time or other remedies. Contact our team for help.