Going through a divorce can feel a little extra difficult when you feel as though you’re surrounded by disapproving people. Perhaps you’re the first one in your social group to go through a divorce.You may be part of a religious group that views marriage as a sacred institution. Or, you could be from a family who has pressured you to stay in the marriage. Whatever your circumstances are, feeling as though you’re unworthy of acceptance and respect can be extremely difficult when you’re already trying to cope with the emotional trauma of a divorce. No matter what your circumstances are, if you’re going through a divorce, you are worthy of respect, acceptance, and belonging.
Divorce Is Common
For the most part, people don’t marry someone they don’t intend to be with for the rest of their lives. However, about half the people getting married end up getting a divorce. Although society views marriage as something that is supposed to last forever, a lot of people still get divorced. Knowing this likely doesn’t take the pain away, but at least you know that you don’t have to go through this alone. There are many support groups, personal development books, and therapists that focus on recovering from the pain of divorce. Going through divorce is a lonely process for a lot of people. But divorce is so common, you’re bound to find someone who understands what you’re going through.
You Can’t Control Your Spouse
Marriages generally don’t end randomly or without evidence of a declining marital relationship. In many cases, there’s a period where marital satisfaction is gradually declining. By the time one of the parties is ready to file for divorce, the marriage may be beyond the point of no return. Though there are things you can do to prevent your marriage from getting to this point, nothing is 100% effective. This is especially true if your spouse checked out of the marriage some time ago. It isn’t uncommon for one spouse to file papers and the other spouse to feel as though they’ve been blindsided by divorce papers. Even if you’re willing to work on the marriage, you cannot control whether or not your spouse works on the marriage, or is even willing to entertain the idea. It is possible that you have tried everything you knew and it still didn’t work. That doesn’t mean that you are not worthy of finding happiness after divorce.
Forgive Yourself
When it comes to divorce, most couples can agree that they both did things, said things, or otherwise contributed to marital strain before the divorce. If you feel as though you made mistakes in your marriage, you will need to work on forgiving yourself and committing to being better in the future. It’s okay to make mistakes; everyone makes mistakes. However, you should not let mistakes you’ve made hold you back from the happiness you deserve. You are worthy of moving on from the person you used to be. After the divorce, a lot of people realize that divorce can be a second chance.
Divorced Does Not Mean Damaged
There is a stigma of being “damaged” if you’re divorced. But this seems to be changing, especially in older people. While hopping into a relationship before the divorce is even finalized may not be advisable, those who have been through a divorce aren’t inherently “damaged” or “broken.” A lot of people use divorce as an opportunity to make significant strides in their mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Though divorce is hard on a lot of people, the majority of divorced people aren’t irreparably broken by divorce. Also, there are many married people and never married people who are dealing with significant interpersonal turmoil. Your relationship status does not define your mental health.
Dealing with Divorce and Church
Since most religions teach that marriage is sacred, divorced people may feel as though they’re being judged in their places of worship. It can be easy for people to make judgements when they don’t have the full story. If you feel as though you’re being judged in your religious community, remember that the people judging you often don’t know the full story. Furthermore, they are not entitled to the full story; your divorce is your business. You do not need to justify the decision to end your marriage to the people you worship with. In many circumstances people are often concerned that others are judging them, when others may not be. Having confidence and outward expression of self-worth will help others have that same view. Ultimately, what matters is what and how you feel about yourself.
You Are Worthy
You are worthy of finding happiness after divorce. A lot of people feel as though divorce is the end of their world because it can turn their lives upside down. Though your life is turned upside down, no one dies from divorce. If you are currently going through a divorce, there are resources available to you. No One Dies from Divorce is a book that’s dedicated to helping people thrive during and after divorce. As a human being, you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness.
