What Is a 50/50 Relationship?
A 50/50 relationship is a relationship where each party is contributing 50% to the relationship. 50% of what, you might ask? Well, 50% of whatever it is to give. So, financially, you’d contribute your 50% to the relationship. But it might also mean that you plan 50% of the dates. These relationships do have an advantage: you don’t contribute more than you get—so nobody gets taken advantage of. If your spouse is only willing to take you on dates to fast food restaurants, then you only have to take them to fast food restaurants. If they’re mad that you’re not taking them to Per Se or Table X, you can just remind them that they only take you to McDonald’s on date night—and there’s a particular pressure to order off the dollar menu. While that may prevent either party from taking advantage of the other, a 50/50 relationship does have limitations. The relationship can become transactional, and you’re no longer doing things out of love but out of obligation. The fact of the matter is that nobody is going to be able to contribute their fair share all of the time—sometimes we give it our all and it’s still not a fair share.
Should Married Couples Pay 50/50?
Paying 50/50 is probably best suited for couples who have similar incomes. However, that doesn’t mean that those couples shouldn’t combine their finances (it doesn’t mean that they should either). It should also be stated that 50/50 is much more difficult to maintain once children come into the picture—the baby needs diapers regardless of who’s paying for them. Are you and your spouse really going to have conversations regarding whose turn it is to buy food for the kids? Are you going to remind your spouse, don’t eat those chips they’re mine? If you’re like most people, the answer is a resounding “heck no.” Being granular about 50/50 can eventually cause your relationship to have problems—especially if you’re particularly uptight about maintaining that 50/50 financially. It can also lead to problems of inequality: why should one person get to live a much nicer lifestyle than their partner? Imagine a relationship where one spouse has plenty of money to retire at 45, but the other spouse has to work the rest of their life in order to pay their share of the bills. Such a dynamic may cause resentment.
Should Couples Go 50/50 on Everything?
It’s not realistic to go 50/50 on everything. Imagine a man who’s spent his majority of his free time learning how to cook. He’s a hobbyist of sorts who enjoys cooking up fancy and creative dishes reminiscent of those served at fine dining establishments. Now consider his wife who can barely cook a TV dinner and hates cooking with a passion. While it may be “fair” that she does half the cooking, it certainly doesn’t suit the couple: she doesn’t like cooking and he doesn’t like eating the food she cooked. It’s a simple example but it illustrates something important: going 50/50 on everything simply does not work all the time for every situation. While it might work to share the burden of a few unpleasant tasks (it’s your turn to clean the litter box or go to the grocery store). Splitting every single responsibility 50/50 doesn’t typically work well in the long run.
What Percentage of Married Couples Keep Separate Bank Accounts?
24% of couples keep completely separate bank accounts—and this does have benefits. According to research, you may be less likely to have fights about money if you don’t share an account. After all, you can’t fight about how your spouse is spending their money if you don’t know how they’re spending their money in the first place. But this may be treating symptoms instead of the root of the problem. Yes, hiding your financial dealings will prevent fights, but the root of the issue is that you and your spouse aren’t on the same page financially. Research shows that couples who share a bank account are less likely to get divorced compared to those who have completely separate finances and this may be because those with combined finances were forced to get on the same page financially.
Potential Solution: Combined but Separate
While it may not work for all couples, many couples have had success with opening a joint account and depositing their share of expenses into the joint account. In this case, you have your own account and your spouse has their account, and each month you both deposit your portion of the expenses into the account. Another solution that couples employ is having one account with three checking accounts: all incoming money goes into the main checking account and then each spouse has their own checking account where they receive an “allowance.” As previously mentioned, this solution may not work for everyone. Combining finances can be especially dangerous when you’re in an abusive relationship. It may not be in your best interests to combine finances if your spouse is battling an active addiction that involves substance abuse or gambling.
When You’re Considering Divorce
If you’re considering a divorce, CoilLaw is here for you. Contact us today to get started with your initial consultation.