When your spouse has BPD, your marriage may look a little different from other marriages. Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health condition that can cause strain on marriages, friendships, and family relationships. While there is no cure for borderline personality disorder, many people suffering from the disorder have had success with therapy and medication. Though those who are suffering from BPD may face hardships in their lives, many people who have borderline personality disorder are able to live happy and fulfilling lives. If your spouse has BPD, it’s important to know that divorce does not have to be the end of your story.

You Can Overcome This

Borderline personality disorder does not mean that you and your spouse will end up divorced no matter what you do. In fact, many people who have BPD are able to maintain happy and fulfilling marriages, even if those marriages do take a little bit more effort. The important thing to remember when you or your spouse has borderline personality disorder is that whatever the obstacle is, it’s possible that you and your spouse can overcome it together. While borderline personality disorder definitely has its challenges, many people have noticed significant improvement in their marriage when they attend therapy regularly. In some cases, medication may also be helpful.

Set Boundaries

Everyone needs to know how to set boundaries in a firm and respectful way. This is important for people who have borderline personality disorder, and it’s also important for couples where neither party is suffering from borderline personality disorder. Boundaries are not about control or telling the other person what to do. It’s not about ultimatums or forcing a person to do something that they don’t want to do. Boundaries are put in place to protect you and your relationship to another person. For example, if your spouse cannot reach you because you’re in a meeting, you may respond to their phone call by saying, “I’m in a meeting right now, I’ll call you back when I’m finished.” If you find that boundaries are not your strong suit, you may want to consider working with a licensed mental health professional to help you figure out how to set boundaries within your relationship.

Don’t Judge

There is a tragic stigma attached to borderline personality disorder. If your spouse is suffering from BPD, they may already feel a great sense of shame about themselves and the disorder. You can help ease the shame and erase the stigma by remaining non-judgmental when you and your spouse are solving problems. Using words such as “crazy” to describe your spouse’s behavior, may deepen their sense of shame and have a negative impact on their self-esteem. Hurtful and judgmental comments may make your spouse more reluctant to open up to you when they have a problem. Educating yourself on borderline personality disorder and the challenges of people who have BPD can help you remain empathetic and non-judgmental when you’re working with your spouse to solve a problem within the marriage.

Get Help if You Need It

There is no shame in seeking help from a qualified mental health professional. In some cases, both parties may benefit from individual therapy as well as couple’s therapy. Studies show that many couples do benefit from attending therapy, and some even see benefits within the first few months of working with a therapist, as early as three months in some cases. If your spouse has borderline personality disorder, a qualified mental health professional may be able to provide guidance to you and your spouse when going through difficult times in your marriage. A therapist may also be able to help you and your spouse develop communication skills to more effectively work through conflict.

Work on Communication

Make sure that you and your spouse have good communication skills. While good communication skills will help any marriage, they’re especially important when a couple is battling mental health concerns, specifically ones as serious as borderline personality disorder. Personal development books and support groups for people in your situation may also be valuable in helping you and your spouse get on the same page and learn important communication skills. Like anything else, you and your spouse are in this together, even if your spouse is suffering from a personality disorder.

When You’re Considering Divorce

If you’re considering divorce, CoilLaw is here for you. Our lawyers are dedicated to helping you get the legal advice you need to make the decisions necessary to protect your best interests. Contact us today to get started on your initial consultation.

A Word About Diagnosis

Borderline personality disorder is a real and treatable mental health condition, and only a qualified professional can diagnose it. Many people use the term loosely to describe a partner with intense emotions, fear of abandonment, or unstable moods. Whether or not a formal diagnosis exists, what matters in a separation is how you respond, with compassion for your spouse and protection for yourself and your children.

Communicating Through High Emotion

Conversations with a spouse who experiences intense emotional swings can escalate quickly. Keep your communication calm, clear, and brief, and try not to match the intensity. Validate feelings where you can without giving up your boundaries. When possible, put important matters in writing so there is a clear record.

Setting Boundaries With Care

Boundaries are not punishment. They protect both of you and lower the temperature. Decide in advance how you will handle exchanges, money, and parenting communication, and stick to those limits consistently. Consistency tends to reduce conflict over time.

Protecting Yourself Legally

Divorcing a high-conflict spouse can be draining, and the right support makes a difference. Document agreements and concerning incidents, and lean on a therapist for your own wellbeing. A Salt Lake City divorce attorney can handle court filings and negotiations and ask the court for protections if your children’s wellbeing is at stake in a custody matter. Contact our team to talk it through.