Why Do People Leave a Marriage Suddenly?
Why do people leave a marriage suddenly? If you were blindsided by divorce papers, you may be wondering what happened. Unfortunately, only your spouse can tell you why they left. Asking your spouse, however, may not yield accurate answers. Perhaps your spouse isn’t ready to be honest with you, or perhaps they’re not able to be honest with themselves about why they left.
People Don’t Just Leave
People don’t just wake up one day and randomly cease to be in love with their spouse—although it may seem that way for some of those who have been blindsided by divorce papers. However, this isn’t to say that nobody has a right to be shocked when receiving divorce papers. In fact, there can be big problems under the surface that come out as seemingly small and insignificant problems. When these problems go unresolved, they can cause a person to eventually leave in a manner that may seem quite sudden to the other party. Here it’s important to remember that there are two people in every marriage and when that marriage fails both parties have at least some responsibility for the dissolution of the marriage. So, while your spouse may have left, it’s probably not all your fault that your spouse left you—and make sure you aren’t blaming yourself either.
Small, Unresolved Problems
Small problems can be indications of larger problems under the surface. For example, if your spouse tells you that it bothers them when you leave your shoes lying around the house and you continue to do this, your spouse may begin to feel like you don’t care about them. After all, they’ve told you time and time again that this bothers them, and you won’t make the minimum effort to stop doing this one thing that bothers them. Leaving shoes around isn’t really grounds for divorce—most people would probably agree with that. But imagine if every time you went to your spouse with a pet peeve you were called crazy, irrational, overly emotional, hysterical, or some combination of the above. What if every time you went to your spouse with a problem, they simply informed you that you were making a big deal out of nothing? Or what if they told you that you have no right to be upset because they didn’t mean to upset you? Most people don’t get divorced over shoes lying around. However, when a person consistently demonstrates through their actions that they do not care about their spouse’s feelings, divorce can happen.
But I Obviously Care!
“But I obviously care! Look at all the things I do for my family!” some may say, pointing out the long hours they work at the office (or the career they gave up to stay at home with the kids). Some may look to the extravagant gifts they’ve purchased for their spouse or the vacations they’ve taken their spouse on and wonder why it isn’t enough. When a person doesn’t feel emotionally safe with their spouse, no amount of gifts of luxurious vacations is going to make them feel loved because they can’t even go to their spouse with their feelings without being told some variation of “stop making your feelings my problem.”
Differences in Grieving
People grieve differently. Some people don’t begin grieving their failed marriage until the divorce is finalized. Others wait until the papers are filed. Some people finish the grieving process before they announce their decision to divorce. If your spouse has already grieved the end of the marriage before they’ve even announced their decision to end the marriage, they may seem shockingly resolute in ending the marriage. People who have grieved the end of their marriage before announcing their decision to divorce may stop picking fights or bringing up problems that they have within the marriage. This may lead the other spouse to believe that all the problems in the marriage are fine, and everything is fixed. Unfortunately, in reality, the spouse has stopped picking fights and bringing up problems because they’ve checked out of the marriage.
Will They Come Back?
Most marriages can be saved, however not all of them can be saved. Whether your spouse will come back or not is going to depend on your situation. You can continue to fight for your marriage and your spouse even after they’ve announced their intention to file for divorce. However, this does not mean that it’s a good idea to sit back and do nothing while they prepare for divorce with an attorney. You may still want to prepare for the reality of a divorce even if you’re still fighting for your marriage. If you’re ready to set up an initial consultation, contact CoilLaw today to get started.
