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Many people find divorce to be an incredibly difficult time. Even those who are going through an amicable divorce may struggle to get used to a new normal. However, those who are going through a divorce where there’s a higher level of conflict may struggle through the divorce process even more than people who have divorces with average amounts of conflict. But if you’re going through a high-conflict divorce, it’s important for you to know that it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. No matter what your situation is, you can always pledge to make the best of it.

Turn off Your Phone

Divorce is stressful. If you’re constantly trading novel-length texts with your ex, it may be time to turn off your phone. Though it may be difficult, making the choice not to respond to your ex’s verbally abusive texts may help your mental health in the long run. Depending on your situation, you may be able to choose one day per week to respond to all (reasonable) texts from your ex. Any petty text messages that do not warrant a response may be ignored.  The boundaries you set with your communications with your ex will depend on your unique circumstances. You may find that you’re able to tell your ex not to contact you anymore, or that you’re able to only respond to necessary communications. If you are unable to avoid contact with your ex because you have to be a co-parent, you may consider restricting communication to email or another co-parenting app such as Our Family Wizard.

Watch What You Say on Social Media

Just because your profile is private doesn’t mean it’s really private. A lot of people vastly underestimate a person’s ability to view their Facebook page. And it’s even more common for people to vastly underestimate a post’s ability to make them look bad in front of a judge. If you’ve got a new significant other, it’s likely in your best interest to keep that information off of social media until your divorce is finalized. Even though it’s not illegal to date someone while you’re going through a divorce, your ex knowing about your new fling may add more conflict to your divorce. Similarly, you should refrain from speaking poorly of your ex on social media, even if your ex is speaking poorly of you.

Don’t Alienate the Kids

If you have children, do not do anything to jeopardize the between your child and your ex. Although you may not immediately face consequences for this behavior, it could result in your ex receiving additional parent-time. If there isn’t already a custody order in place, the fact that you’ve attempted to sabotage your child’s relationship with your ex may be used against you in a custody battle. In the most extreme cases, the court could grant the alienated parent custody of the child. There may also be long-term consequences from your children.Your child will grow up and determine that they have been alienated from their other parent. This may cause an adult children to resent and distance themselves from the alienating parent and become closer with the non-alienating parent..

Listen to Your Lawyer

You are paying a lot of money for the legal advice your lawyer is giving you. If you’re going through a high-conflict divorce, a good lawyer is going to be giving you advice that’s going to save you time and money while attempting to get the best outcome. Divorces with lower levels of conflict are normally cheaper and resolved faster—and your attorney is probably giving you advice with this in mind. If you find yourself continuously disregarding your attorney’s advice, or you feel as if you and your attorney are not a good fit, you may need to consider consulting with another attorney.

Don’t Attempt to Get Revenge in Court

It’s not uncommon for people to fantasize about dragging their ex through the dirt in court. However, it is uncommon for that to actually happen. For the most part, family law courts are not designed to facilitate revenge during the divorce process. Instead of focusing on getting even with your ex, it may be more helpful to focus on healing from the pain and moving through the divorce process. Trying to take your ex to court for every little thing, or fighting over items of little monetary value, can drag out the divorce process and increase the amount of conflict in the divorce. If you’re going through a high-conflict divorce, remember to prioritize your mental health, not vengeance.

Get the Legal Help You Deserve

If you’re going through a high-conflict divorce, CoilLaw is here for you. Our attorneys are experts in helping clients navigate the legal issues that are frequently seen in high-conflict divorces. Divorce is not something to go through alone. Having the appropriate mental health care along with legal advice that’s customized to your specific situation can make all the difference in a high-conflict divorce. If you’re ready to begin the divorce process, contact CoilLaw today.


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