Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally painful and traumatizing experiences one can go through in their adult life. Emotions of anger, sadness, grief, and sometimes even guilt or blame are all at play. Everyone has a different experience during their divorce, and the biggest aspect we can control is how we handle it.
The Feeling of Betrayal
If your spouse cheated or abused you, of course, feelings of betrayal and anger will consume you—as they would anyone. And to make things worse, your spouse may be unwilling to compromise on the divorce terms. You may feel a desire to “win” in the courtroom, just to get back at your ex, but will you find what you’re looking for? The fact is, a judge can’t grant you personal emotional justice.
You probably know someone whose divorce took years and left a trail of tears for both spouses and their children. But divorce does not have to be this way. Shifting your perspective from revenge to acceptance, and realizing that you will never achieve a false sense of emotional satisfaction in a courtroom, is key to minimizing the drama and pain of your divorce. The majority of divorces do not go to trial, but the ones that do usually leave both parties with a sense of dissatisfaction and disbelief. No one wins in the courtroom in divorce.
The Court Does Not Favor One or The Other
The court is not designed to assign “good guy” and “bad guy” roles. Divorce is a factual and unbiased process to fairly distribute assets, spousal and child support, and custody and visitation rights. For example, the court may not grant you full custody just because your spouse cheated on you. No matter how heartbreaking your story may be—the judge does not care about either party’s moral wrongdoings.
Continual litigation not only intensifies painful emotion but it’s also the most expensive factor in a divorce. People can pay $100,000 trying to seek emotional justice when the truth is they are only inflicting more emotional and financial damage to themselves. Beware, many divorce attorneys do not always have their clients’ best financial interests in mind and can even fuel the fire by overly attacking the opposing party.
A Dangerous Perspective in a Heated Litigation
Heated litigation can create a desire to “win” your divorce. This is a dangerous perspective to take on because it’s simply never the case. Dissolving a marriage has no winners or losers. It’s simply taking action to make your life better and to move on to better relationships. Ultimately, the emotional peace you are looking for is always found within. Coming to terms with the end of your life with someone is never easy, but, as Jill Coil always says: “No one dies from divorce.”
