We all know the importance of “trusting your gut,” which is really useful in many situations and an essential human survival instinct to protect us. But in the specific situation of domestic litigation, it is vital to put aside some of your emotions.
Here’s an example of why this is important. Some clients during a divorce give in to every whim and request of their ex-spouse because they get manipulated by them emotionally, or because they allow their own feelings of nostalgia, regret or shame to play into it. Even against their attorney’s counsel of what’s fair, clients make backdoor agreements with their ex-spouse and give in to sometimes ridiculously unfair division of property or custody that works against their cases and outcomes. You might think you’re saving time or money by just giving in to opposing counsel. But if you later have to go back and amend your divorce decree because you can’t live with the outcome, it costs much more time and money than just doing it right the first time, even if it takes a little bit longer initially for the parties to come to an agreement.
During a divorce, “guilt … may derive from his/her worry about breaking up the family, about leaving [their spouse] in misery and depression, about [their] ability to survive emotionally without [them], about damaging the children’s psychological well-being, and so forth. This guilt will increase [one’s spouse] displays expressions of vulnerability, sadness, and daily dysfunction. He/She may seriously question their decision to leave and may even consider reuniting, just to ease [the other’s pain and their] own loneliness. During settlement negotiations, he/she may ask to waive [their] rights to a fair property division and support plan, and he/she may even give up custody of the children in [their] efforts to assuage [their] guilt. Guilt, being a very powerful motivator of human behavior, can lead to self-induced disempowerment” (Donald T. Saposnek, Ph.D.).
Your attorney is literally being paid to keep your best interests in mind; that’s why you hired them. They know what’s reasonable and fair in divorce; that’s what they are experts in. Sometimes the legal jargon or process intimidates people into thinking they can’t possibly have a good outcome or ask for anything they want. But if your attorney tells you what they think is fair and realistic to fight for, trust that they know what they are doing and that they are just trying to protect you. Remember that even though litigation can seem scary or confusing to you, attorneys do this every day.
Getting Help with Your Utah Divorce Case
If you are looking into a divorce and have questions or need legal help, we’re here for you. You need to ensure you consult with a competent family law attorney that understands the legalities of divorce in Utah and will help put your mind at ease so you don’t get taken advantage of. At CoilLaw, LLC, Salt Lake City Divorce attorney Jill Coil knows how to advise you during a divorce to help you achieve the best settlement and/or result possible. At CoilLaw we are ready and available to help you through your legal action. If you need legal advice concerning a Utah family law issue, call Jill Coil at CoilLaw LLC in Utah at (801) 781-5848 today.